One of the things that hurt the most is any kind of loss. Even simple things as losing a game or a bait to losing a job or your time can be frustrating, annoying, painful, but nothing comes harder and tougher that when comes to losing someone, either as a break up, when loses the love of your life or worse, when someone close to you passes away. Realizing that someone has died and will not be around anymore brings one of our biggest pains and fears, facing life and the need to move through it knowing there will be an empty space from the one that is no longer here. The closer the person is to anyone the harder it gets, a spouse, parents, children, friends, are missing pieces in our heart that hardly will be replaced and even we can learn how to continue without them and accepting that they always will be with us in our thoughts and all those things we learned and shared with them are now part of ourselves but sometimes tragedy comes with guilt and if we are not in piece with ourselves and the acceptance of that loss, we might start losing ourselves and that is just the start to a big fall through a rabbit hole that might never end or take us to a dark place that will transform us in ways we and all around us will unknown and alienating our lives only takes one direction: sadness and loneliness because if we are holding grudges, that weight won't let us move on and find peace in our heart, mind and soul turning us in a walking zombie.
This process of grieving is the main topic in the new film "Manchester by the sea" (2016), a perfect example of a story about facing a big loss and different ways and how we all approach it in different ways and how loss will affect everyone in different ways. Because even we follow certain steps and traditions to learn how to deal with it, move on and accept and find that light to keep going without letting sadness take over us, there will be more than one thing affecting us, depending the circumstances of what just happened and life is not always fair as we already know, so any left turn can take us downhill. Coming wrapped with great reviews and having all critics raving about it, this movie just set in the Oscar race and all other nominations of the season after it's released early this year in the Sundance Festival plus terrific performances for it's main actors, including a break through performance with a story that can relate to anyone, and feels ass crude and real as any wound, thanks to a great directing orchestrating a script that moves around the most intense drama to a dark comedy, a great balance just as any simple day in our lives because even when we are lost and life feels without meaning or direction there will be others trying to guide us or pulling us up even we prefer to stay down and those moments of us doubtless will define our actions and thoughts, sometimes to make us stronger others just to revive past memories and old wounds, and because our nature, we'll try to ease the pain, and the only way to protect us from that is pushing everybody away.
The story follows a man that has just been notified his older brother has passed away, from the sudden while fishing at his boat, and has left behind his teenager son. After his wife left them in search of treatment for her alcoholism, he took care of the boy and raised him with his younger brother's help. So now is asking for that help again. To take care of his son. But this man is going through a rough patch. One that has last for the last couple of years since he has another loss that can't get over. And one that turned his life into a living hell for himself, turning him from a loving husband and big hearted man into a cranky, neurotic man that can't even keep a job for longer than a few weeks and with so much anger that his major hobby is to get drunk and hit the bars just to find a friendly face to punch at after any excuse. But he has a reason and the one he own is a big guilt and pain after losing all his kids in a terrible accident. One that as any accident wasn't made intentionally but happened because of him. as always if there would be another possibility, things could have gone differently but from an innocent moment, a disaster came, and after losing all his children and his house, his wife couldn't live with him due her own pain, letting him leaving with the pain of destroying his life and all what he once loved.
This is not a simple loss. This one carried a series of events that turned a simple man, a family man into a hermit, a man full of anger and guilt. One that is living day by day without purpose and even now that one has knocked at his door with the opportunity of make up things taking her of his nephew, he just simply can't. His pain is bigger than the responsibility he is facing. He feels incapable , and is afraid to fail again and screw it up big time, and he knows there is no way he can survive another failure, so he'll take the easy exit, even he knows is the wrong thing to do, but if he can't even take of himself much less would be able to take care of his nephew. And that's where his story comes to a place to match with the grief of his uncle, because this young soul is going through a different but at the same time intense patch after his mom left him and his dad, so as any teenager dealing with proper things of that age, has to deal now with the fact of having no family and no one to care about him so he hides and refuges behind the fact that he has a band and two girlfriends and all what he does is just to finally have sex with all of them. But this guy walk like a tick tack bomb, he seems ok and happy, and as any young guy with all his life in front of him, smiles and enjoys all the pleasures that come when just started discovering and enjoying it, but when life hits you, you need to hit it back and so he feels like need to do so.
The life of tis two men collide while dealing with all the process of the death of a brother and a father. They need to figure out how to get along and take care of each other like two lost puppies because how can they be strong for the other if they can't take of themselves, they feel weak and lost. And people around them can smell that and even offer their help, family issues stays inside family so they are the only ones that understand each other but their journeys are far from stay close to each other even they love each other, their pain is deeper and bigger than any love. So how can we learn to make peace with ourselves in situations where there are no second chances?, How can we find peace in our minds when we know there always will be that empty space left and we can't change the past and even the future might look bright and be able to make up things in life and find another opportunities when life take something from us usually opens a window and offers a different path but we blind ourselves because we can't just feel anymore, we learn to shut our feelings from the outside world. Why is so hard to find happiness and so easy to lose it, and again so hard to move on without it, learning to accept that things happen for a reason and will be other opportunities but we grew so attached to others and being hurt is a primal fear that we can't avoid but to learn how shut it off as the only reason to continue with life, making everyday another reason to keep blaming us and others for our mistakes and keep feeding pain and sadness with the idea of using them to try to get riddle of, like birth and death, we can't have one without the other. Why are we so afraid of death? is it because the loss makes us face ourselves and all those insecurities we were trying to avoid or is it the incapability or moving to another phase in life without the people and the joy they brought to us, incapable to keep loving others the same way we love before. Time to learn to move on and enjoy life with it's ups and downs.
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